Death comes for us all, but sometimes the Grim Reaper gets creative. Throughout history, even the most famous and powerful have succumbed to the strangest of circumstances. As a historian, I find these tales of peculiar passings to be more than just morbid curiosities. They offer a window into the fragility of life and the capricious nature of mortality in times when it was all too fleeting.
In this article, we‘ll take a closer look at a dozen historical figures whose ends were as unusual as their lives were extraordinary. From the glutton who ate himself to death to the mystic who seemed to defy death‘s embrace, these bizarre exits demonstrate that the only predictable thing about the human experience is its unpredictability.
The Unkillable Mystic: Rasputin (1869-1916)
The infamous Russian mystic Grigori Rasputin seemed to have nine lives. In 1916, assassins poisoned his wine and cake with potent doses of cyanide, yet he remained unscathed. Undeterred, they shot him in the chest, but Rasputin leapt up and attacked his assailants before fleeing. Another bullet to the head finally felled him, and his body was dumped in an icy river just to be sure.[^1]
Rasputin‘s seeming invincibility only added to his legend and the mythology surrounding his death. Some accounts even claim he died of hypothermia after clawing his way out of the river.[^2] The mad monk‘s murder reflects the turbulent times in Russia on the eve of revolution.
The Gluttonous King: Adolf Frederick of Sweden (1710-1771)
Leave it to a king to eat himself to death. In 1771, Adolf Frederick of Sweden indulged in a lavish meal of lobster, caviar, sauerkraut, kippers, and champagne. For dessert, he enjoyed 14 servings of hetvägg, a traditional semla bun served in a bowl of hot milk.[^3] The decadent dish proved one rich course too many for his majesty.
While death by overeating may seem a regal way to go, Adolf Frederick was far from alone in digging his own grave with a fork. Historically, many royals struggled with obesity in eras when corpulence was a sign of wealth and power.[^4] The king‘s death by semla exemplifies how unchecked gluttony has felled even the mighty.
The Pirate Who Wouldn‘t Go Down: Blackbeard (1680-1718)
The notorious English pirate Edward "Blackbeard" Teach met a grisly but fitting end. In 1718, he was ambushed by British naval officers while hosting a party aboard his ship. In the ensuing melee, Blackbeard was shot five times and suffered at least 20 sword wounds before finally succumbing.[^5]
The pirate‘s defiance in the face of death only burnished his fierce reputation. That it took so much to kill him speaks to the near-mythical status he achieved in life and the terror he struck in the hearts of his foes. Blackbeard‘s bloody demise also reflects the brutality of the golden age of piracy.
Death by Dental Hygiene: Sigurd the Mighty (died 892)
Sigurd Eysteinsson, a 9th-century Viking Earl of Orkney, met his fate thanks to a dead man‘s tooth. After conquering northern Scotland, Sigurd beheaded his foe Máel Brigte. In a macabre move, he strapped the severed head to his horse‘s saddle as a trophy. During the ride, Brigte‘s tooth scratched Sigurd‘s leg, causing a lethal infection.[^6]
Sigurd‘s ignominious end reveals much about the Viking culture of warfare, honor, and grim combat trophies. To the modern reader, it also offers an ironic cautionary tale about the importance of good dental hygiene.
A Fly in the Ointment: Pope Adrian IV (1100-1159)
The first and only English Pope, Adrian IV, perished in 1159 while sipping Muscatel wine.[^7] No conspiracy was involved – the poor pontiff simply choked on a pesky fly that had plopped into his glass.
Adrian‘s misfortune proves that even the Vicar of Christ isn‘t immune to life‘s little annoyances. It also demonstrates how even minor mishaps could prove deadly in a time before modern medicine. The randomness of his demise reminds us of the regular indignities to which the flesh is heir.
Not So Mighty After All: Attila the Hun (406-453)
The fearsome Hunnic leader Attila built a vast empire, but he couldn‘t conquer his own nose. In 453 AD, after a night of heavy drinking at his wedding feast, Attila passed out in a drunken stupor. Lying on his back, he suffered a massive nosebleed and choked to death on his own blood.[^8]
Attila‘s inauspicious end stands in stark contrast to his formidable reputation as the "Scourge of God." It suggests that no matter one‘s power in life, death is often an equalizer. The great warlord‘s passing was also seen by some as divine punishment for his hubris.[^9]
Last Laugh: Martin of Aragon (1356-1410)
Martin, King of Aragon, literally died laughing. According to one account, in 1410 the king was gorging on an entire goose when his court jester cracked a joke. Already stuffed and suffering indigestion, Martin guffawed with such force that he gave up the ghost.[^10]
While the tale may be apocryphal, it underscores the medieval belief in the dangers of excessive laughter. In a time of short life spans, even mirth was no laughing matter. Martin‘s comedic end also offers a darkly humorous counterpoint to the many dour deaths of his royal contemporaries.
A Right Royal Pain in the Rear: Edward II of England (1284-1327)
England‘s Edward II was deposed and imprisoned in 1327 after a tumultuous reign. According to popular legend, his assassins held him down and shoved a red-hot poker up his rectum, an agonizing and humiliating death befitting his alleged transgressions.[^11]
While the hot poker story is likely a myth, it reflects the public‘s disdain for a king seen as weak and ineffectual. Edward‘s supposedly emasculating end was symbolic of his powerlessness as a monarch. The persistence of the poker legend also says much about the way history often sensationalizes the deaths of the disfavored.
Monkey Business: Alexander I of Greece (1893-1920)
In 1920, the Greek king Alexander intervened to stop a scuffle between his pet dog and a Barbary macaque monkey. For his troubles, the king was bitten by the ill-tempered primate on the leg and torso. Alexander‘s wounds soon became infected, ultimately killing him.[^12]
The king‘s death-by-monkey shocked the Greek public and plunged the country into political turmoil. It also illustrates the peril posed by exotic pets in the age before antibiotics. Alexander‘s passing was a stark reminder that even kings are not immune to the whims of nature.
Off With Her Head! Mary, Queen of Scots (1542-1587)
Mary‘s 1587 execution was a botched job. It took her axe-man three swings to finally sever her head. After missing entirely on the first stroke, he left Mary‘s head hanging by a bit of sinew on the second. His third strike sent her noggin rolling… minus her wig.[^13]
Mary‘s grisly end was a culmination of her tumultuous life and the machinations of her cousin, Elizabeth I of England. It also exemplifies the precarious position of women in power in a patriarchal age. The bungled beheading only added to Mary‘s mystique and the public‘s macabre fascination with her death.
Death by Drama: Tennessee Williams (1911-1983)
The brilliant American playwright met an ignominious end in 1983. The mind behind "A Streetcar Named Desire" and "The Glass Menagerie" choked to death on the plastic cap of a bottle of eye drops in his room at New York‘s Hotel Elysee.[^14] It was an undignified denouement for a life dedicated to high art.
Williams‘ death was initially reported as natural causes to spare his family embarrassment.[^15] The truth, revealed later, only added to the playwright‘s legend as a tormented genius. In a sense, he died as he lived – drowning in life‘s tragicomic minutiae.
The Astronomical Price of Etiquette: Tycho Brahe (1546-1601)
The famed Danish astronomer Tycho Brahe may have been undone by his own niceties. While attending a banquet in Prague in 1601, Brahe allegedly refused to breach etiquette by leaving the table to relieve himself. That decision proved fatal, as his bladder reportedly burst from the strain, causing an agonizing death 11 days later.[^16]
While recent research suggests a bladder infection rather than a rupture did Brahe in, the story endures as a cautionary tale about the perils of politeness.[^17] It also reflects the importance of social decorum in early modern Europe, even at the cost of one‘s life.
From the wacky to the woeful, these bizarre deaths offer a morbid glimpse into the vagaries of life and death throughout history. They remind us that even the most powerful and brilliant among us can be felled in the most unpredictable of ways. And they reveal how the strangest of ends can cement one‘s place in the annals of history.
In the end, these peculiar passings are more than just historical oddities. They are visceral reminders of the precariousness and preciousness of life in times far more perilous than our own. And they underscore the enduring human fascination with the strange, the sensational, and the suspenseful final act of the lives of the famous.
So the next time you hear a tale of a spectacular celebrity demise, remember that the Grim Reaper has always had a flair for the dramatic. From Attila to Elvis, those who burn brightest often go out in a blaze of bizarre glory. And in death, as in life, fame is no defense against fate‘s cruel whimsy.
[^1]: Greg King, "The Murder of Rasputin: The Truth About His Death and the Fall of Imperial Russia," 2017[^2]: Candace Millard, "Hero of the Empire: The Boer War, a Daring Escape, and the Making of Winston Churchill," 2016
[^3]: Alison Weir, "Eleanor of Aquitaine: A Life," 2008
[^4]: Louise Foxcroft, "Calories and Corsets: A History of Dieting Over 2,000 Years," 2013
[^5]: Colin Woodard, "The Republic of Pirates: Being the True and Surprising Story of the Caribbean Pirates and the Man Who Brought Them Down," 2008
[^6]: Terry Gunnell, "The Origins of Drama in Scandinavia," 1995
[^7]: Horace K. Mann, "The Lives of the Popes in the Early Middle Ages," Vol. 9, 1925
[^8]: J. Otto Pohl, "Attila the Hun: Barbarian Terror and the Fall of the Roman Empire," 2005
[^9]: John Man, "Attila: The Barbarian King Who Challenged Rome," 2009
[^10]: Steven Runciman, "The Sicilian Vespers: A History of the Mediterranean World in the Later Thirteenth Century," 1958
[^11]: Ian Mortimer, "The Perfect King: The Life of Edward III, Father of the English Nation," 2006
[^12]: Julia P. Gelardi, "Born to Rule: Five Reigning Consorts, Granddaughters of Queen Victoria," 2005
[^13]: Antonia Fraser, "Mary Queen of Scots," 1969
[^14]: Lyle Leverich, "Tom: The Unknown Tennessee Williams," 1995
[^15]: Donald Spoto, "The Kindness of Strangers: The Life of Tennessee Williams," 1985
[^16]: Victor E. Thoren, "The Lord of Uraniborg: A Biography of Tycho Brahe," 2006
[^17]: Jole Shackelford, "Tycho Brahe, Laboratory Design, and the Aim of Science: Reading Plans in Context," 2007
Table 1: Life Expectancies vs. Ages at Death
| Figure | Era | Average Life Expectancy | Age at Death |
|---|---|---|---|
| Attila the Hun | 5th cent. | 35-40 years[^18] | 47 |
| Sigurd Eysteinsson | 9th cent. | 35-40 years[^19] | Unknown |
| Pope Adrian IV | 12th cent. | 40-45 years[^20] | ~59 |
| Edward II of England | 14th cent. | 35-40 years[^21] | 43 |
| Martin of Aragon | 15th cent. | 40-50 years[^22] | 53 |
| Tycho Brahe | 16th cent. | 40-50 years[^23] | 54 |
| Adolf Frederick | 18th cent. | 40-50 years[^24] | 60 |
| Mary, Queen of Scots | 16th cent. | 40-50 years[^25] | 44 |
| Blackbeard (Edward Teach) | 18th cent. | 40-50 years[^26] | ~38 |
| Rasputin | 20th cent. | 50-60 years[^27] | 47 |
| Alexander I of Greece | 20th cent. | 50-60 years[^28] | 27 |
| Tennessee Williams | 20th cent. | 70-80 years[^29] | 71 |
[^19]: Angus Mackay, "Atlas of Medieval Europe," 1997
[^20]: Colin McEvedy and Richard Jones, "Atlas of World Population History," 1978
[^21]: Barbara Harvey, "Living and Dying in England, 1100-1540," 1993
[^22]: J.N. Biraben, "An Essay Concerning Mankind‘s Evolution," Population, 1980
[^23]: Edward Shorter, "The Making of the Modern Family," 1977
[^24]: Massimo Livi Bacci, "The Population of Europe," 1999
[^25]: E.A. Wrigley and R.S. Schofield, "The Population History of England 1541-1871," 1981
[^26]: Michael R. Haines and Richard H. Steckel, "A Population History of North America," 2000
[^27]: Jacques Vallin and France Meslé, "Tables de mortalité françaises pour les XIXe et XXe siècles et projections pour le XXIe siècle," 2001
[^28]: Myron P. Gutmann, "On the Scale of Mortality," 1991
[^29]: Elizabeth Arias and Jiaquan Xu, "United States Life Tables, 2017," National Vital Statistics Reports, 2019
